→ there's just a few things I think that you should know

[studmuffin]

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[femaleofthespecies]

[Do you hear that? That's a girl screaming from Derek's room]

[studmuffin]

[ Stiles pretty much falls out of his bed, fingers scrabbling for the baseball bat under it in instinct. He doesn't really twig that a woman is screaming in their house so it makes sense to skid down the corridor and shoulder his way in, bat over his shoulder. ]

What's happening? Who's yelling?

[femaleofthespecies]

[This female is topless and grabbing for something - anything, a mirror, a sheet, and then is staring at Stiles]

What is going on?

[studmuffin]

[ Breasts. Breasts. ]

Um. [ Well now he feels dumb, brandishing a baseball bat at hot naked chick. ] I'm gonna assume this is the whole morning after the night before and Derek's vanished out of the window.

[ Is that ... jealousy? Anger? Hurt? ] So y'know, screaming isn't gonna bring him back. I could help you find your clothes though and then you can -. [ Go away. ]

[femaleofthespecies]

Oh my god, are you brain damaged?

Get me my shirt, Stiles!

[He's reaching for a shirt and snarling]

[studmuffin]

[ Oh. ]

Derek? [ He leans the bat on the doorjamb and moves to toss over the shirt. ] You screamed, bro. You never scream.

[femaleofthespecies]

How often am I a woman?

[Snarl again, and yanking the shirt over his head]

[studmuffin]

You were a kid. How surprising is it that you might turn into a woman?

[ A hot woman. ]

[femaleofthespecies]

Except I've been a kid-

[Pause, because all he's wearing now are boxers and a shirt that is tight over his breasts.

He has breasts]

How are you still standing?

[studmuffin]

[ He doesn't get it and then he just snorts a little. ]

Panic kills the boner. [ A pause. ] Mostly.

[femaleofthespecies]

[SCOWL.]

[studmuffin]

[ Eyeing him up speculatively. ]

That doesn't work without the eyebrows, bro.

[femaleofthespecies]

[Urgh he can't. He just sits back on his bed. Still scowling.]

Why doesn't this happen to you?

[studmuffin]

Because you're the one with the stick up your ass. I guess it's funnier if it's you.

[ Besides, Stiles doubts he'd be a hot girl. Whatever awkwardness would translate. Still, he's feeling brave, moves to sit beside Derek and resolutely doesn't stare at his breasts.

He's reminded of Erica and her I have beautiful everything. ] Cheer up.

[femaleofthespecies]

Excuse me?

[There's just that touch of danger]

[studmuffin]

[ It's like he doesn't even realise Derek might just kill him. ]

You're still all wolf-y, right?

[femaleofthespecies]

Don't say that being a werewolf is enough.

I'm a girl, Stiles!

[studmuffin]

For like, twenty-four hours, tops. Enjoy it.

[femaleofthespecies]

What are you suggesting I do?

[studmuffin]

[ 8D ]

Wow. You have zero imagination.

[femaleofthespecies]

Have you even kissed a woman?

[Seriously.]

[studmuffin]

[ >| ]

I've been busy.

[femaleofthespecies]

You've never even touched one, have you?

[studmuffin]

[ ... ]

Shut up.

[femaleofthespecies]

[This is pathetic. Derek takes Stiles' hand and puts it on one breast]