studmuffin | → there's just a few things I think that you should know

[ He's been staying with Clint. It's been okay, Stiles has mostly gotten over the mortifying curl of shame that sits in his stomach and makes him crazy with it. Clint's like a really cool uncle and he's good for Stiles.

That doesn't mean he's able to sleep any better, the only thing that really helps is wandering. So he lets himself out of the apartment as quietly as possible ...

Only to run right into Derek. Blinking at his chest. ] Are you crazy?

[Derek, to his credit, doesn't haul Stiles off into the woods - not yet, anyway]

No. I'm here to bring you home.

[ As sarcastically as he can manage. ] Oh good, you've managed to find a way out of the City? Lemme get my coat.

[ Then more firm. ] You know Hawkeye lives here, right? And the Black Widow. I'm practically their adopted nephew right about now. You can't just stalk me right outside the house of a bunch of superheros.

You know I'm still a werewolf, right?

[He's rolling his eyes]

You don't live here and I'm not stalking you.

I'm not going to forget that anytime soon, Jacob.

[ Crossing his arms over his chest. ] No, you're laying in wait. You're right, that's so much less creepy.

Don't call me that.

For god's sake, Stiles, all your stuff is still at the house.

Then I'll collect it in the morning.

[ Brushing past him to head down the corridor because he is not arguing outside where Clint could hear. ] What's one more shuttle across town, right?

No, you won't.

You're coming back.

[He's following. Bark bark bark.]

What?

[ Twisting to glare at him. ] Dude, you told me to go. You can't change your mind now.

[A growl of "I do what I want" and he's reaching to grab Stiles to just throw him over his shoulder and go when an insidious branch of mistletoe grows above their heads, and Derek is pushing Stiles against a wall and kissing him, pressing him against that wall, a low growl building in his throat]

[ For a moment he's pretty sure Derek's just going to follow through with his promise of tearing Stiles' throat out. But when his back hits the wall and Derek's mouth is on his, his brain pretty much shortcircuits, fingers clutching at the leather of his jacket. ]

[He suddenly backpedals, an unsure expression on his face. He doesn't like being cursed, he doesn't like not being in control. His eyes bleed red for a second and then stops, and he stares.]

I didn't-

[ Stiles doesn't move, just stares at him a little wide-eyed. His gaze flicks up to the roof where he can see the sprouting mistletoe and his stomach clenches hard, heart too fast. ]

Oh fuck this place very much.

[He looks vaguely sick, even though he can smell the arousal in the narrow hall and it's making him react physically.

He takes another step back and growls a sorry, muttering it.]

[ Great, that's just great, Stiles gets what he's been thinking about for days and it's this place's fault - just like everything else. It's a cosmic joke and he takes one look at Derek's panicked face and heads towards the stairs to just get out of the apartment block.

Outside is good, outside is shockingly cold. ]

[Derek follows, because damn it, it's cold out and Stiles is only wearing a hoodie, and Derek knows humans feel cold more sharply]

Hey.

Don't talk to me. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know. [ Stomp stomp stomp. ]

This isn't fair and I know everyone finds it freaking hilarious but I don't and I hate it. [ More stomping. ]

What are you talking ab-

[Derek clamps down on that part]

Hey, I'm sorry.

I hate this place.

[ Stopping to stare at Derek. ] And you think I get you and I don't, you think I'm going to understand what any of this means because you do. But newsflash, I'm not one of your puppies, I don't have this innate six sense of what exactly you're driving at all the time. It doesn't matter that I'm trying because every time something comes along and nudges you out of your comfort zone we're back at square one.

Try being me, the comfort zone is a whole other freaking universe.

[His breath curls away from his body as steam, and he holds still for a long time. Like if he's still enough, Stiles can't see him, except that he's obvious, he's there. There is no disappearing, now.]

What don't you get?

[Being Derek Hale is no walk in the park.]

Why you seem to think I'm your responsibility for one. [ Shifting slightly, twisting his weight because he can't keep still. ] I'm just the friend of somebody your uncle bit, I'm not yours to keep under your furry command. I already disappoint enough people, you know you really don't have to add to it.

[ Because Derek keeps pulling back to this pack business and Stiles feels outside of it. It's hard being the only permanently breakable thing in a group of two wolves who hate his guts. ]

Because-

[Derek looks unhappy, for a moment]

Because we're on the same side, Stiles. Because I'm alpha and my job is to protect the people who...

Who I think are valuable.

[He feels flat-footed, unsure.]

Because you didn't let me drown.

Do you seriously still think I keep you around because I need you to keep my ass unkicked? Because that ship is pretty much sailing, dude.

[ He feels stupid, vulnerable, too young for this kind of conversation and too strung up with something he doesn't know how to explain. ] You could fob me off to any of the nice people here. You don't owe me.

Maybe it's not about what you need.

[Selfish, selfish, thoughts of Kate wound up and twisted when he wants something for himself. He thought she was - it doesn't matter. She killed his family. She did it because she thought it would be funny or -

Or, he doesn't know why.]

I don't trust anyone here.

I'm not going to be the life jacket of anyone who won't trust me. [ Which is a hideous lie. He tries to save everyone.

... No matter how often he says he doesn't want to, how much he pretends to hate, when it comes to it Stiles is usually scrambling to try and keep everyone alive. ]

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